A few weeks ago, my phenomenal pastor gave a message on commitment versus surrender. The Holy Spirit wrecked my heart through it. In a nutshell, committing to God means holding on and keeping control. Commitment sucks. I can say that because in so many aspects of my life, I was merely committed. I made Him Lord in November of 2012, but there parts of my heart that I was refusing to give Him Lordship over. I was just committing those things to Him. After this message, I asked the Lord on a daily basis to call out the things within me that need to be surrendered. What happened in my heart and in my life over the next two weeks… there is no word. Wrecked would be a vast understatement in describing with the Spirit did within me.
I saw my pride for the first time. I was able to see the things I said in the past with clarity and literally see the stupidity of some of my words and actions. I made a list of the self-righteous things I catch myself doing regularly, I laid it down on the ground, I bowed down before the Lord, and I surrendered my pride.
I realized my desire for a husband began to consume a lot of me. I surrendered my future marriage in the same way. I’ve grown so content in my relationship with the Lord and all the things that He is able to teach me through my season of singleness.
There have been a lot of situations and relationships with people in my life that I had to surrender. I’ve experienced more love from those relationships since and been able to gain more wisdom from them. Some of my friendships ended but there was no void left.
Seriously… it has been an INSANE too weeks. & again, insane seems like a downplay of the work the Lord did in me.
Today, though, was the wrecking ball to everything that I was.
For five and a half years, I’ve worked at Wendy’s. I’ve learned so much from the people I’ve encountered there and the situations I’ve been in. After five and a half years, I’ve never received a complaint. I am great at customer service. I’ve been promoted multiple times. I had my own keys to the store. I was an A+ employee. Last night, I received a complaint because someone’s order got messed up and I apparently was rude. The first complaint ever and my job, all that I had ever known, was danged in front of me because of the zero tolerance we have for rudeness. I was told that I could come in and try to refute the claim, but that friendliness was expected at all times and that if an example needed to be made through me for the store to achieve that, then it would be. Basically, I was pretty much fired unless I could prove I wasn’t rude to these people, who I didn’t even remember. How can I refute a situation that I don’t remember?
All of this happens via phone call on my way to a Super Bowl party with my church youth group. In the midst of my meltdown, I got slightly lost trying to get there and had to call my mentor to re-give me the directions. She told me and then I told her that I had basically just got fired. Without hesitation, she offered me a job with the marketing company she owns. I laughed and told her that I would let her know how the meeting went at work.
Thanks to the advising of some incredible people that I get to serve alongside, I saw God working in that situation. Showing me the need to surrender Wendy’s… my comfort. All I’ve ever known. My safe haven through my dad’s death. My safety net through family fights. I have always worked hard because I have always channeled all my problems into my work at Wendy’s. Those are not God’s intentions. My work is supposed to be surrendered to Him, just like everything else in my life and in my heart. Work is not supposed to become a comfort zone because comfort zones don’t allow growth.
It took a lot, but I called my mentor and asked again if she was serious. When she affirmed the offer, I accepted the job. I called Wendy’s back and told them I wouldn’t be refuting anything. I quit. I have no idea when I’ll be working, what I’ll be paid, or what I’ll be doing, but I know that God has provided and called me to something new and exciting.
He’s opened a door for me to work in to community that my heart is so deeply invested in. I’ve felt Him calling me to Oconee County and have recently made the decision to move there this summer when my lease is up. He confirmed that tonight by closing yet another door for me in Clemson and swinging one wide open in Oconee County. Within minutes! MINUTES!
Those 30 minutes were an emotional roller-coaster, but hours later, I’m still in shock at how the Lord had His hand on me. I’m amazed that the reward I reaped through my surrender to Him. I am absolutely captivated by the goodness that is Jesus.
Seriously, if you want to step further in your walk with Christ… ask Him for help in your surrender. He will answer. He will hear that prayer and He will answer in a mighty way. Have faith.
I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me. Proverbs 8:17
And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. Luke 9:23-24
So I basically got fired. Then hired elsewhere. So I just quit. The Lord never ceases to amaze me at His faithfulness. I am ready to begin this journey with Him at my side as he invades every quiet place of my soul, continually guiding me into the denial and repentance of who I am so that He may receive ALL glory.
In the valley, Oh God, you’re near
In the quiet, Oh God, you’re near
In the shadow, Oh God, you’re near
At my breaking, Oh God, you’re near
Oh God, you never leave my side
Your love will stand firm for all my life
In my searching, Oh God, you’re near
In my wandering, Oh God, you’re near
When I feel alone, Oh God, you’re near
At my lowest, Oh God, you’re near
Height nor depth nor anything else
Could pull us apart
We are joined as one by your blood
Hope will rise as we become more
Than conquerors through
The one who loved the world
-Oh God, Citizens.